INSIDE TONY'S HEAD

August 18, 2000

I am a serious runner now. Please get out of my way.

I am a serious runner now. Please get out of my way.

Can't you see my new headband? It keeps the sweat out of my eyes when I'm on one of my serious runs. (Hint: they're all serious now.) You're not even wearing special running socks. Do you think I don't notice? Please get out of my way. I have a wicking shirt. Do you have a wicking shirt? You don't know what wicking is? Stop talking to me now, you're only slowing me down.

Boo! You didn't hear me coming, did you? I should have knocked you over, you're lucky I only brushed against you, startling you and making you gasp. What, you think you own the sidewalk?

You in the Montero, wait! I am crossing here! Where are you going that you need to be in such a hurry? I am a serious runner! Let me pass! Bang! Bang! How does your hood like that, huh? You should have let me pass.

Ah, that's more like it. I have finally achieved "runner's high.". It is perfect calm in effort. My body is a machine... smooth in relentless, perpetual motion. Nobody's gonna break my stride. I'd try to explain it to you, but how could you ever understand? I am like a completely different species from you. I feel more alive right now than you could ever possibly feel. It is like dancing on your grave, you are so lifeless compared to me! A dance, a dance, a rigorous trance.

Oh, no. Don't even tell me that dog isn't on a leash. Get away from me! I am a serious runner!